On-road rant about the off-roader

*Techi-mechanical grumble* of little interest to those who either don't know my trucks or aren't petrol heads like me :) Of course, if you want to read a good rant and grumble, then by all means, go ahead...

If I never have to drive that damned orange thing again, it'll be too soon.

Where's the smiley face that's screaming and tearing its hair out whilst banging its head against a brick wall?

Took our new(to us) Discovery into Guy Salmon in Sheffield today, for them to do a few warranty bits and fix the annoying hiccup the V8 has developed in the last couple of days. We thought it was due to the duff battery (due to be replaced under warranty), and since the whole thing is all computer controlled, chipped etc, a poor electrical draw would affect the performance considerably.

Yesterday I went to Jax's for an afternoon's gardening, which was fab, but the truck (which is known as the G4) was running like a bag of nails. I had trouble coaxing it over 120kph on the M1, which isn't much over 70mph. And the 4 litre V8 should be capable of nearly twice that on a good day.

Not that I'd ever do that. Honest officer.

So today I took G4 to Sheffield, got a nice new Freelander to play in for the day, and then went to Meadowhell with Sarah. Urgh - wet day in the school holidays? Don't these people have lives? Is there nothing else to do but go and wander around a mall all afternoon? I had a purpose - bookstore, Millie's cookies and get the offsprings feet measured. I was also going to go to the big Sainsbury's there and do my bi-monthly supermarket shop. But it was closed.

But I digress.

When I picked the G4 up at about 4pm, I was told that they'd replaced the airbag on the suspension, fixed the winch and ordered the bit for the driver's electric window. BUT, the battery was fine, it wasn't buggered at all and the problem was the LPG system we'd fitted to the engine, so they'd pulled the fuse on it and the engine was running fine.

*Start of mechanical ramble*
The LPG system doesn't affect the running of the engine when it's on petrol. The battery was screwed, I'd watched James put the tester on it, ffs. The dealers don't like working on LPG vehicles since a mechanic at another dealers had killed himself and blown up the workshop by drilling into the gas tank, because he didn't know it was there.

Darwin award anyone? The gas tanks are only little I know - mine wouldn't quite fit into a supermarket shopping trolley, and only takes up 2/3 of the trunk space. WTF???

So I was heavily patronised by someone who hasn't spent the last 15 years of their lives with their head under the hood of a Landy, and treated like a blonde bimbo when I said, "but the gas system won't cause a misfire". "Ah but yes it would, but it's running fine now we've taken the fuse out."

That makes no mechanical sense whatsoever.

But the icing on the cake? God damned machine died on me on the way home. I pulled off the forecourt and hadn't even reached the first set of traffic lights when it was blatantly obvious that there was still something seriously wrong with the engine. It's a V8. It's supposed to purr. Grumble at tickover. Growl as you set off. And put the hairs on the back of your neck up whilst doing something on a visceral level to the rest of you as you reach 4000 revs and rising. It's a beautiful piece of mechanical engineering.

And it was like driving my old Skoda after it had blown a head gasket. No power, hunting for gears in the autobox, hiccuping and miserable all the way home through Rotherham, as the M1 was solid once I'd limped down the Parkway. Good job the traffic was slow heading down West Bawtry Road as well, as I wasn't going much over 40kph.

5 miles from home and I got so fed up of the hiccups I put my foot to the floor hoping that it might clear whatever it was that was causing the power loss. Rev counter shot up to 4000 and then, suddenly, dropped. Took my foot off the gas, barely in time to stop it dying. Nursed it up a hill. Everytime I put my foot down, the engine would die. But on tickover, there wasn't enough power to move the two and half ton beastie along the road. Then she completed died. Restarted the engine. Put hazard lights on. Limped another 200 yards at 10kph. Died again. Restarted. Limped another few yards, before dying. Again, 300 yards at 15kph. Died. 200 yards at 5kph. Hill looms large ahead. Limp up that. Three restarts necessary. It's taken 15 minutes to do 2 miles.

Fecking machine is not beating me. I let her rest a mo. Restart the engine, get the revs up and drop the autobox from N into D with foot planted to floor (not advisable). Truck lurches forward and we make half a mile at 20 kph. Would dearly love to have a clutch at this point. I have a feeling it would have been easier with a manual box.

My house is at the top of a rather steep little slope of a road, which in turn is at the top of a only-slightly-less-steep very busy main road. It's 5.20pm. A half hour journey had taken nearly an hour and a half (albeit allowing for rush hour). I nurse the damned thing up hill, swearing at it and hitting the steering wheel in frustration. Chorus of small children in the back going 'come on orange one, come on orange one'. Myf chimes in 'Come on you bag of needles'.

That made me laugh anyway.

Onto drive, engine dies.

Somebody's head is going to roll for this.

Oh - and the best bit? Called Land Rover Assistance once home, and the guy came out within the half hour (brilliant service). Not only is the battery completely FUBAR'd, one of the plug leads was hanging off.

WTF? It's had a full service in the past month. And a plug lead was hanging off? It's the mechanical equivalent of not checking the fuse in the plug if your toaster stops working. It's like wondering why your kettle isn't boiling when you haven't put the plug in the wall. We're talking nursery grade mechanics. But there's something else seriously wrong with the engine now. I'm not sure what the garage did to it, but there was 2" of water in the air filter box, airflow meter lead hanging off too, it's not talking to the testbook (laptop that gets plugged into the electronic element and 'reads' all the fault codes')... and there's more.

But for legal reasons, I shall now stop here. ;)

That and I need more Pimms.

Brilliant Billing

The link to this was posted on an off-roaders rant page, and I just had to put it here. This is the kind of thing we did at Billing at the start of the month.

And the pink Barbie Land Rover was painted that was for St Dunstans - a charity that helps blid ex-servicemen and women. I'm not sure that he ever got out of that mud hole though... :)

http://www.pistonheadstv.com/videos/434.wmv

Fabulous clip.

It's raining!

And I'm so happy. :) Probably not the expected response to a steady, gentle, summer rain, but I've been hoping and hoping for this for a week or more. My poor garden and alloments desperately need this rain.

And I just found this:
"Analysis of the 2004 key stage 1 data indicates that, despite considerable improvements in standards at KS1 one in six children leave key stage 1 reading below level 2, and one in 10 below level 2 in mathematics. There are over 1,000 schools where less than 70% children achieved level 2 in reading and over 600 schools where less than 60% achieved level 2B in mathematics. In nearly all LEAs some schools fall into these categories."

If our LEA chap even dares to make a comment about Myf's reading... :) That is, of course, assuming we meet him.

But more about that anon.

A question of etiquette

Just a random thought - when reading blogs, is it common courtesy to leave the occasional comment if you read someone's blog regularly, or is it ok to live vicariously and read without commenting ever on anything?

Sometimes I go to comment, then think, 'ah, no one will be bothered to read what I've put' or some such, and so I don't. Then I start thinking, but maybe I should, so they know that someone has read what they've written. Even if I'm the 10th person to comment 'I agree' etc.

Ramble over.

Good day - visited Nikki, Sarah was there too with her lot, kids all ran around like loons, mainly under foot and I sat in the corner wondering what on earth it was that I had to do at 3pm.

Didn't remember, so went home and put the kids down for a snooze anyhow, then remembered at about 4pm...

Ho hum

Went swimming with Grandma, then to pub playground. Kids to bed, Chinese for a late tea for the grown ups and now, I'm trying to formulate a response to Doncaster LEA's letter asking for a visit in August. Seems they've swept the lot under the rug and we're almost back to square one.

Bugger.

Bed time I think.

Nursery ramblings

Got a letter this morning, confirming that I'd declined Tea's nursery place.

Subsequently, I'm having a bit of a crisis over it.

Well, not really crisis, but a bit of self-questioning OMG am I doing the right thing, kind of nonsense. Still tired from Billing so forgive me if I make no sense.

I can't take Tea to the nursery at the local school - that's where I pulled Myf out of last November. And the nursery entrance is right next to her old classroom. It wouldn't be so bad if there was someone who could take her for me, and collect her, but I don't feel it's fair to drag Myf down there twice a day, as about the only thing she misses from school are a couple of friends and I don't want to have her getting all confused again.

Plus, I don't think Tea is ready for nursery - or rather, I don't think she's ready for spending several hours a day with a gang of strange children. I have a few concerns about her behaviour and development, but they're my private thoughts and I don't want some teacher to spend a few hours with my little blond space cadet and start labelling her. And I know she'd be labelled. Her speech isn't good, and sometimes she can be a little hard to get through to. She's incredibly linear and literal in her thinking, as well.

Plus I'm having another am-I-doing-the-right-thing about Myf. Which is daft, really, as suddenly she's decided she can read. (Thanks Jax - that Toe by Toe is working wonders!) and is now reading everything - well, trying to. She swings from appearing to read confidently, to being unable to sound out the word 'pick'. And that was after listening to her work out what 'Cheltenham' was...

Right, time to do something about the bomb site. I also have a large bag of apricots that James brought back from his mum's last night (I only sent him to pick up the dog). Need to hunt down an apricot jam recipe, methinks. Anyone else got any other suggestions as to what I could do with them?

Billing

Was great! We spent the whole week watching hundreds and hundreds of Land Rovers - no two alike - and sunbathing under a faultless sky. I took my old white Disco around the off road course, got very very muddy and didn't get stuck once. James had a very chilled out week too, marshalling on said off-road course, and thoroughly enjoyed himself playing in the mud, pulling stuck/broken-down/drowned motors out of various holes, bogs and lakes.

Weren't too impressed to get back and find the blasted builders have done bugger all whilst we've been away though.

Have trolled half way round the blog ring, and beens side tracked by a couple of quizzes (Sp?)

Why do people blog these things? Don't they know how sidetracked I get just reading the blogs, let alone following random links (not pointing any fingers, Tim).



You are a Pomegranate...unconventional, unique, and
just a little bit tart...you know how to make a
lasting impression and often do so with your
zest for life...


What Kind of Fruit Are You?
brought to you by Quizilla

You are elegant, withdrawn, and brilliant. Your mind is a weapon, able to solve any puzzle. You are also great at poking holes in arguments and common beliefs. For you, comfort and calm are very important. You tend to thrive on your own and shrug off most affection. You prefer to protect your emotions and stay strong.

The World's Shortest Personality Test

Now I shall go do something useful, like have a bath and ignore the enormous pile of laundry that is taking over my kitchen floor. :)

Been busy

Shall now list accomplishments, Jax-style, in order to pat myself on the back. :)

- Cleared off kitchen counters (and I mean everything), scrubbed them down and only put the bare essentials back. Binned the junk
- Emptied the black-hole cupboard next to the cooker, binned 30%, gave 30% away and put the rest back neatly
- Emptied 2 huge 'moving' boxes and four slightly smaller ones out of the garage; contents mostly binned (gotta love that skip), a few put into a pile to eBay, the rest condensed into one small box (!)
- Fed, bathed, storied and tucked kids into bed, all within the space of an hour
- Stripped and made up bed
- Emptied tumble dryer (bloody weather), put wet nappies onto radiator, set washing machine going again
- Folded clean laundry, put clean folded laundry away, brought down basketful ready to go in when current wash clean
- Washed up and tidied clean kitchen

The first three were accomplished with the aid of Sarah (huge great big thank you!) who made tea, chased kids and caught the steady stream of things I threw at her and filed them neatly into 'bin', 'eBay' and 'house' catagories.

And, having had so much to blog about, I've spent the last half hour (folding laundry) composing today's blog entry in my head. Filled it with witty, deadpan one liners and scintillating paragraphs of inestimable intelligence.

Then promptly forgot the lot when I sat down at the keyboard, and wrote this instead.

Bradway today

Had a slow morning - let the girls watch some tv for an hour whilst I pottered round, tidied up, read the blog ring and cleared my emails. Tea and Piglet now get bored with the telly after a while, which to my mind is a good thing. Myf would still sit there all day if I let her.

Myf did some Jolly Phonics too - I thought we needed a recap as we've had a few weeks off, so she worked on her vowel blends. And, for some reason, today she managed to do all the cursive writing without a hitch. Seems mightily pleased with herself for 'writing like Mommy'. Maybe that's the problem I've been having with getting her to put pencil to paper - she doesn't like what she sees when she's written it. I have heard, here and there, that some people advocate going straight into cursive script - why teach a child twice how to write?

Anyhow, after that we toddled over to Sheffield to the mudpud group at Bradway. Our hastily-organised Hama session went down a treat, as did Jayne's fabulous face painting. My three were all entranced by their decorations, and Tea had to be bribed to wash her face (we told her she could have a cat next time). Myf made sure that we had a photograph of her flowers too, so shall blog that anon.

Need to have a bit of a wandering rant at some point, but at the moment, I just haven't got the energy. Does Blogger do private blog things? See, brain not working, can't even think of what you'd call a function to password blog entries. Apart from a function to password blog entries. jeeez

Pink Floyd

Live.

Ever wanted a moment to last forever?

Home again - 272 emails

And one of them contained a link.

So I did this instead of unpacking the van,loading the washing machine, etc etc etc

Now I'm going to have a shower and go to bed. Because I'm knackered, and every other thing out of Myf's mouth has been 'when are we going away again?'

I may blog about camp tomorrow, but I dare say there will be more interesting blogs posted in the mean while. Although next time I'm taking a narrow boat instead of a caravan.