On-road rant about the off-roader
*Techi-mechanical grumble* of little interest to those who either don't know my trucks or aren't petrol heads like me :) Of course, if you want to read a good rant and grumble, then by all means, go ahead...
If I never have to drive that damned orange thing again, it'll be too soon.
Where's the smiley face that's screaming and tearing its hair out whilst banging its head against a brick wall?
Took our new(to us) Discovery into Guy Salmon in Sheffield today, for them to do a few warranty bits and fix the annoying hiccup the V8 has developed in the last couple of days. We thought it was due to the duff battery (due to be replaced under warranty), and since the whole thing is all computer controlled, chipped etc, a poor electrical draw would affect the performance considerably.
Yesterday I went to Jax's for an afternoon's gardening, which was fab, but the truck (which is known as the G4) was running like a bag of nails. I had trouble coaxing it over 120kph on the M1, which isn't much over 70mph. And the 4 litre V8 should be capable of nearly twice that on a good day.
Not that I'd ever do that. Honest officer.
So today I took G4 to Sheffield, got a nice new Freelander to play in for the day, and then went to Meadowhell with Sarah. Urgh - wet day in the school holidays? Don't these people have lives? Is there nothing else to do but go and wander around a mall all afternoon? I had a purpose - bookstore, Millie's cookies and get the offsprings feet measured. I was also going to go to the big Sainsbury's there and do my bi-monthly supermarket shop. But it was closed.
But I digress.
When I picked the G4 up at about 4pm, I was told that they'd replaced the airbag on the suspension, fixed the winch and ordered the bit for the driver's electric window. BUT, the battery was fine, it wasn't buggered at all and the problem was the LPG system we'd fitted to the engine, so they'd pulled the fuse on it and the engine was running fine.
*Start of mechanical ramble*
The LPG system doesn't affect the running of the engine when it's on petrol. The battery was screwed, I'd watched James put the tester on it, ffs. The dealers don't like working on LPG vehicles since a mechanic at another dealers had killed himself and blown up the workshop by drilling into the gas tank, because he didn't know it was there.
Darwin award anyone? The gas tanks are only little I know - mine wouldn't quite fit into a supermarket shopping trolley, and only takes up 2/3 of the trunk space. WTF???
So I was heavily patronised by someone who hasn't spent the last 15 years of their lives with their head under the hood of a Landy, and treated like a blonde bimbo when I said, "but the gas system won't cause a misfire". "Ah but yes it would, but it's running fine now we've taken the fuse out."
That makes no mechanical sense whatsoever.
But the icing on the cake? God damned machine died on me on the way home. I pulled off the forecourt and hadn't even reached the first set of traffic lights when it was blatantly obvious that there was still something seriously wrong with the engine. It's a V8. It's supposed to purr. Grumble at tickover. Growl as you set off. And put the hairs on the back of your neck up whilst doing something on a visceral level to the rest of you as you reach 4000 revs and rising. It's a beautiful piece of mechanical engineering.
And it was like driving my old Skoda after it had blown a head gasket. No power, hunting for gears in the autobox, hiccuping and miserable all the way home through Rotherham, as the M1 was solid once I'd limped down the Parkway. Good job the traffic was slow heading down West Bawtry Road as well, as I wasn't going much over 40kph.
5 miles from home and I got so fed up of the hiccups I put my foot to the floor hoping that it might clear whatever it was that was causing the power loss. Rev counter shot up to 4000 and then, suddenly, dropped. Took my foot off the gas, barely in time to stop it dying. Nursed it up a hill. Everytime I put my foot down, the engine would die. But on tickover, there wasn't enough power to move the two and half ton beastie along the road. Then she completed died. Restarted the engine. Put hazard lights on. Limped another 200 yards at 10kph. Died again. Restarted. Limped another few yards, before dying. Again, 300 yards at 15kph. Died. 200 yards at 5kph. Hill looms large ahead. Limp up that. Three restarts necessary. It's taken 15 minutes to do 2 miles.
Fecking machine is not beating me. I let her rest a mo. Restart the engine, get the revs up and drop the autobox from N into D with foot planted to floor (not advisable). Truck lurches forward and we make half a mile at 20 kph. Would dearly love to have a clutch at this point. I have a feeling it would have been easier with a manual box.
My house is at the top of a rather steep little slope of a road, which in turn is at the top of a only-slightly-less-steep very busy main road. It's 5.20pm. A half hour journey had taken nearly an hour and a half (albeit allowing for rush hour). I nurse the damned thing up hill, swearing at it and hitting the steering wheel in frustration. Chorus of small children in the back going 'come on orange one, come on orange one'. Myf chimes in 'Come on you bag of needles'.
That made me laugh anyway.
Onto drive, engine dies.
Somebody's head is going to roll for this.
Oh - and the best bit? Called Land Rover Assistance once home, and the guy came out within the half hour (brilliant service). Not only is the battery completely FUBAR'd, one of the plug leads was hanging off.
WTF? It's had a full service in the past month. And a plug lead was hanging off? It's the mechanical equivalent of not checking the fuse in the plug if your toaster stops working. It's like wondering why your kettle isn't boiling when you haven't put the plug in the wall. We're talking nursery grade mechanics. But there's something else seriously wrong with the engine now. I'm not sure what the garage did to it, but there was 2" of water in the air filter box, airflow meter lead hanging off too, it's not talking to the testbook (laptop that gets plugged into the electronic element and 'reads' all the fault codes')... and there's more.
But for legal reasons, I shall now stop here. ;)
That and I need more Pimms.
If I never have to drive that damned orange thing again, it'll be too soon.
Where's the smiley face that's screaming and tearing its hair out whilst banging its head against a brick wall?
Took our new(to us) Discovery into Guy Salmon in Sheffield today, for them to do a few warranty bits and fix the annoying hiccup the V8 has developed in the last couple of days. We thought it was due to the duff battery (due to be replaced under warranty), and since the whole thing is all computer controlled, chipped etc, a poor electrical draw would affect the performance considerably.
Yesterday I went to Jax's for an afternoon's gardening, which was fab, but the truck (which is known as the G4) was running like a bag of nails. I had trouble coaxing it over 120kph on the M1, which isn't much over 70mph. And the 4 litre V8 should be capable of nearly twice that on a good day.
Not that I'd ever do that. Honest officer.
So today I took G4 to Sheffield, got a nice new Freelander to play in for the day, and then went to Meadowhell with Sarah. Urgh - wet day in the school holidays? Don't these people have lives? Is there nothing else to do but go and wander around a mall all afternoon? I had a purpose - bookstore, Millie's cookies and get the offsprings feet measured. I was also going to go to the big Sainsbury's there and do my bi-monthly supermarket shop. But it was closed.
But I digress.
When I picked the G4 up at about 4pm, I was told that they'd replaced the airbag on the suspension, fixed the winch and ordered the bit for the driver's electric window. BUT, the battery was fine, it wasn't buggered at all and the problem was the LPG system we'd fitted to the engine, so they'd pulled the fuse on it and the engine was running fine.
*Start of mechanical ramble*
The LPG system doesn't affect the running of the engine when it's on petrol. The battery was screwed, I'd watched James put the tester on it, ffs. The dealers don't like working on LPG vehicles since a mechanic at another dealers had killed himself and blown up the workshop by drilling into the gas tank, because he didn't know it was there.
Darwin award anyone? The gas tanks are only little I know - mine wouldn't quite fit into a supermarket shopping trolley, and only takes up 2/3 of the trunk space. WTF???
So I was heavily patronised by someone who hasn't spent the last 15 years of their lives with their head under the hood of a Landy, and treated like a blonde bimbo when I said, "but the gas system won't cause a misfire". "Ah but yes it would, but it's running fine now we've taken the fuse out."
That makes no mechanical sense whatsoever.
But the icing on the cake? God damned machine died on me on the way home. I pulled off the forecourt and hadn't even reached the first set of traffic lights when it was blatantly obvious that there was still something seriously wrong with the engine. It's a V8. It's supposed to purr. Grumble at tickover. Growl as you set off. And put the hairs on the back of your neck up whilst doing something on a visceral level to the rest of you as you reach 4000 revs and rising. It's a beautiful piece of mechanical engineering.
And it was like driving my old Skoda after it had blown a head gasket. No power, hunting for gears in the autobox, hiccuping and miserable all the way home through Rotherham, as the M1 was solid once I'd limped down the Parkway. Good job the traffic was slow heading down West Bawtry Road as well, as I wasn't going much over 40kph.
5 miles from home and I got so fed up of the hiccups I put my foot to the floor hoping that it might clear whatever it was that was causing the power loss. Rev counter shot up to 4000 and then, suddenly, dropped. Took my foot off the gas, barely in time to stop it dying. Nursed it up a hill. Everytime I put my foot down, the engine would die. But on tickover, there wasn't enough power to move the two and half ton beastie along the road. Then she completed died. Restarted the engine. Put hazard lights on. Limped another 200 yards at 10kph. Died again. Restarted. Limped another few yards, before dying. Again, 300 yards at 15kph. Died. 200 yards at 5kph. Hill looms large ahead. Limp up that. Three restarts necessary. It's taken 15 minutes to do 2 miles.
Fecking machine is not beating me. I let her rest a mo. Restart the engine, get the revs up and drop the autobox from N into D with foot planted to floor (not advisable). Truck lurches forward and we make half a mile at 20 kph. Would dearly love to have a clutch at this point. I have a feeling it would have been easier with a manual box.
My house is at the top of a rather steep little slope of a road, which in turn is at the top of a only-slightly-less-steep very busy main road. It's 5.20pm. A half hour journey had taken nearly an hour and a half (albeit allowing for rush hour). I nurse the damned thing up hill, swearing at it and hitting the steering wheel in frustration. Chorus of small children in the back going 'come on orange one, come on orange one'. Myf chimes in 'Come on you bag of needles'.
That made me laugh anyway.
Onto drive, engine dies.
Somebody's head is going to roll for this.
Oh - and the best bit? Called Land Rover Assistance once home, and the guy came out within the half hour (brilliant service). Not only is the battery completely FUBAR'd, one of the plug leads was hanging off.
WTF? It's had a full service in the past month. And a plug lead was hanging off? It's the mechanical equivalent of not checking the fuse in the plug if your toaster stops working. It's like wondering why your kettle isn't boiling when you haven't put the plug in the wall. We're talking nursery grade mechanics. But there's something else seriously wrong with the engine now. I'm not sure what the garage did to it, but there was 2" of water in the air filter box, airflow meter lead hanging off too, it's not talking to the testbook (laptop that gets plugged into the electronic element and 'reads' all the fault codes')... and there's more.
But for legal reasons, I shall now stop here. ;)
That and I need more Pimms.
posted by Kris | 9:20 pm
6 Comments:
Didn't skim - that sounds utterly awful! Gather you will be spit roasting the garage tomorrow.
Hope the Pimms is good. So when are you going wool shopping then?
Oh ((HUG)) That is a crap end to a crap day. May I take this opportunity to apologise for the behaviour of my horrid offspring and for my appalling handling of him. **grovel**
Sarah & Dino
Does sound awful - main dealers, pah!
Somebody's head should *definitely* roll for that, i'd like to see you get the count up to at least three ;)
I really, really hate it when mechanics assume that all women are totally unable to understand something as "complex" as a car and therefore can be fobbed off with any old **** and sent home to cook the dinner like a good little woman....
Oh, and I agree, the sound of a V8 "on song" does wonderful things to me too.... that and a Ducati being given some stick....
B***dy Hell that's crap. I know nothing about cars but know the being patronised because I'm female thing before (bearing in mind I am good with gadgets and wiring stuff up and have spent time hooking stuff up in studio etc, etc, so'm not a 'poor feeble woman' by any stretch of the imagination).
Glad to hear you got home safely and that they guy that came out clearly had better sense.
mmmm rumbling ducati........sorry...I was meant to say Kris, what a day! Euch. Bloody garage. I hope you get it sorted soon.
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